Only Through My Prayers
by Bangarrang
Summary: Unhappy version of my other fic, "Through My Prayers"


**This is the unhappy version of 'Through My Prayers.'**

**Disclaimer-I don't own Kingdom Hearts or The Avvet Brothers.**

_Hard to believe I won't see you again, we were just fighting when winter began._

"I wasn't cheating!" Roxas yelled. "If you won't listen to me, leave!" His girlfriend-ex girlfriend now-stood in front of the door.

"I will! You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!" the ex, Xion, whipped her hand between them.

_The coldness of our words,_

_competing with the wind_

_from the north._

"Really? Wasn't it you that said without me, you were nothing?!" he retorted.

Xion yanked open the door. "No, that was you!"

"Please! If I never met you, my life would be great! I don't need you!" Roxas glared. Xion's eyes, once beautiful to Roxas, were now sparking with anger.

"I hate you!" she screamed, slamming the door in his face.

_Still it makes me shiver,_

_But in a very different way._

_The pages of the calendar kept turning away._

Roxas pulled his jacket tightly around himself, a sudden wind chilling his bones.

She'll come back, he thought. They had fights all the time. But...the silence in his tiny apartment seemed too empty. Too...final.

_I have some better words, now._

_But it's too late, to say them to you._

Roxas sighed. Everything he could've said to make it better, to prevent the fight, flooded his mind.

_My dream of all dreams and my hope of all hopes, is only to tell you._

_To make sure you know._

_How much I love you and how much I always did._

He pulled a silver band out of his pocket. Minuscule diamonds were wrapped around it the ring.

He was going to propose to Xion, to express just how much he loved her in four words.

_Yes, I know you loved me._

_I could see it in your eyes._

He imagined how her eyes would fill with stars. Roxas had planned everything. From the words he said to how he said them.

He would take her to the clock tower, their favorite spot, let the ring fall to the ground.

"Did you drop something?" he would ask, and when she turned around to see, he would present those fateful words to her.

_And it was in you struggle._

_And it was in your mind._

_And it was in the smile, you gave me when I was a kid._

Roxas remembered when they first met. They were six or seven. Their families happened to be in the park at the same time. Xion was dancing loonily in front of her father, Roxas clinging to his mother. He saw Xion and and she saw her. The little girl smiled and Roxas knew she had to be an angel.

_Feels like no one understands._

Why couldn't she just listen? Naminé had kissed him in an attempt to make her old boyfriend, Riku, jealous.

But Xion was the only one who saw.

_And now my only chance,_

_To talk to you is through my prayers._

_I only wanted to tell you I cared._

But...it was his fault. If only he had pushed her away. Roxas had been so surprised he couldn't think straight.

_Every night after and every day since,_

_I found myself crying when the memory began._

Roxas buried his face in his hands and started crying.

He was wrong. He needed Xion like oxygen. Without her, he would forget to eat, to sleep, to live...

He picked up his camera. Planning to major in photography, this was his most prized earthly possession. It was filled with memories of her. She would joke that if he didn't stop stalking her, she'd call the police.

_Sometimes it knocks me down_

_Sometimes I can just...put it away_

He stumbled upon a photo of himself, arms wrapped around the ravenette's neck. They both looked so happy and carefree.

The picture knocked the breath out of him.

_Down in my mind,_

_Where I don't care to go,_

_The pain of the lesson is letting me know_

_If you have love in your heart let it show,_

_While you can._

Roxas hated himself.

He had been so stupid! Why did he kiss Naminé? Why did he say those awful words to his love? Why did he let her walk out the door?

_Yes, now I understand._

_But now, my only chance_

_To talk to you is through my prayers_

_I only wanted to tell you I cared._

Roxas walked to the balcony connected to his bedroom.

He saw Xion walking across the street below. She turned, as if able to feel his eyes. The blond hid from her gaze.

He went to bed, his heart seeming to weigh his body down with tiredness.

The next morning, he dragged himself out of bed and started off to Flash Photography Collage, his school.

And was nearly tackled by a little boy.

"Hi, Roxas!" the chipper boy, Finny, piped.

"What is it, Finny?" grumbled Roxas, not in the mood for his cheer.

"I got yer paper for ya!" he held out a roll of newspaper. Roxas took it, pushed Finny out pf the way, and continued to school.

On the subway, he unrolled the paper. And froze.

On the front cover were the words : "19 year old girl, Xion Levi, commits suicide."

_I only wanted to tell you I cared._

**X**_  
_

**Well there it is**


End file.
